my mom has bipolar, and as a result she was pretty abusive and she was in manic state for most of my childhood. She would attack/beat me over small stuff, then of course act with a lot of motherly love soon after so it was pretty hard on my psyche with her switching up like that. she also didn't teach me hygiene well and would starve me and my sibling or not feed us especially during covid. When I was around 6 I experienced an alien encounter, won't go into detail but this lead me to be a conspiracy theorist and very contrarian to mainstream views, along with my dad who was working most of the time teaching me from a young age that democrats and republicans are the same rich people. When I was 5 or so, I was hit with a soccer ball really hard in my stomach. it was a trigger of some sort, and I experience stomach pain every second now, anywhere from a 3/10 in pain (minor stomach ache) to a 8/10 (debilitating). It also turns out I also have fibromyalgia (increased pain) and I also probably have some sort of tick-borne illness such as lyme or bartonella. As a result of all this I never really had any irl friends so I just used video games and played with online friends. me and my online friends would play different games and compete to become the best at them, (shinobi life 2, GPO, deepwoken, etc) around 2023 I realized I was kinda fucked up and got into wheat waffles and other youtube videos for a little, but something happened to me unrelated to the videos idk how to describe it where I lost my personality and didn't know who I was and I reverted back into a much more childish personality where i'd jester for my family but felt empty inside, and got out of the rabbit hole. Then, I rediscovered bp from a new friend who introduced concepts such as lookism and female hypergamy to me when we would talk about stuff.
