i just need to get this out i dont care about the quality of this thread and i dont care if people say "tldr" or some bs like that. do as u please.
All i want in life is to just experience any type of connection with a girl.
(I'm the first person in my grade to have a license) anytime i girl even interacts with me it is only if they need or want a ride somewhere. i have SFS and my self esteem is so low and it is gut wrenching to know that no matter what i do i will be forever nerfed by my sfs. my phone is so fucking dry i have no girls i talk to, the last time i had a gf was January 2023, and i cant even tell u the last time i would even say i was in a talking stage. i want a minimum of 5 different surgeries/procedures to even have a chance at experiencing life. I do not know what i want to do in life, I'm 16 i hate myself i hate my body so much, I'm barely 5'7 125lbs 20bmi. All my friends brutally fucking height mog me.
i have no guidance no role models no one to talk to nothing. i am about to order 3 different drugs (pregabalin, baclofen, and mematine, maybe cialis because why not.)
oh yeah also i have gyno so i dont even remember the last time i took my shirt off around anyone.
I have been smoking weed the past 3 months everyday before school alone in my car crying to myself having to fucking try and get through the day. My friends kicked me out of the friend group a couple months ago just before summer break, so i spent my summer alone. I did not hangout with 1 person my age for 6 months. I got my license august 28th and just so happened to be when school started again. im friends with them again now but i feel like its only for rides and at their convivence. im in therapy but thats only because i have adhd so i guess my mom thinks i need it, thats only once a month and every session is useless, i can not talk about my feeling especially with a therapist who is only fucking treating you non even human.
No one is going to save me.
I can't save myself.
I'm going to be fucking stuck at 5'7
I want to nutrition max but i nor my parents can afford for me to be buying meat and eggs and all this good food that ur supposed to eat. i ate mcdonalds twice in the last 24 hours because they just get it for me.
I feel so bad for my parents i wish i could make them proud but i dont do anything except go to the gym, but even that im fucking weak at.
I wish i could just fucking die and not not have anyone grieve over me. I know no one would except my family anyways. My grandparents are getting old my parents are getting old i think its over for me when they pass.
I am so fucking mentally weak no one will ever understand.
I wish i could be happy i wish i could not care about looks or anything. I want to be normal i dont want my parents to see me like this.
i dont know how long i can do this for.
