Motivation Understanding my patterns (2 Viewers)

[Parsival]

I’m calmer now. Earlier I felt disappointed realizing I haven’t truly changed over the years, and that what I thought was progress didn’t address the core issue. Now I’m more honest with myself. I understand better what’s wrong, even if part of me wanted to believe I had already solved it because that was easier. I also see that I need to take my neurodivergence more seriously instead of only compensating for it by improving everything else. That approach wasn’t fully addressing the problem. What I used to call happiness may have been partly self-deception—times when I wasn’t fully aware of myself or my situation. Now I don’t want to keep lying to myself, but I still need something that keeps me going: some form of hope or direction, even if it isn’t fully certain, because without it moving forward becomes harder.

It feels like life is now showing me all at once that what I thought I had fixed wasn’t actually resolved. At first it was hard to accept, but now I see it more clearly as I enter university with more awareness. Not everything from the past was negative; I still had meaningful moments despite my patterns and mistakes.

Spoiler: University situation

In university, in the situation where I almost didn’t make it into civil engineering, I saw again a pattern I’ve had since I was a child: I can do almost everything right, but a single small detail can ruin or almost ruin the final result, even affecting important outcomes like my admission. It’s something I thought I had already improved, but I hadn’t.

The second situation is private, I can’t talk about it, but it was three situations in total that reminded me of past ones.

Spoiler: GAVA situation and the last one

After that came the GAVA situation, which confirmed I hadn’t changed. Two years passed where I was supposed to improve, but I repeated the same pattern that started all of this, and I realized I pushed everyone away who actually cared about me, like before.

It’s disappointing, but also clarifying. Even if I face this alone again in this last situation, I now understand what I’m dealing with.

I might be relying too much on coping mechanisms; maybe just one is enough to live in a more manageable way. I have a little affection for those who continue reading about my situation. If there are any, of course, haha

 

[Parsival]

DNR fcking faggot why do you talk a lot abt your self

 

[Parsival]

DNR fcking faggot why do you talk a lot abt your self

Sorry boss

 

[Dragon]

I’m calmer now. Earlier I felt disappointed realizing I haven’t truly changed over the years, and that what I thought was progress didn’t address the core issue. Now I’m more honest with myself. I understand better what’s wrong, even if part of me wanted to believe I had already solved it because that was easier. I also see that I need to take my neurodivergence more seriously instead of only compensating for it by improving everything else. That approach wasn’t fully addressing the problem. What I used to call happiness may have been partly self-deception—times when I wasn’t fully aware of myself or my situation. Now I don’t want to keep lying to myself, but I still need something that keeps me going: some form of hope or direction, even if it isn’t fully certain, because without it moving forward becomes harder.

It feels like life is now showing me all at once that what I thought I had fixed wasn’t actually resolved. At first it was hard to accept, but now I see it more clearly as I enter university with more awareness. Not everything from the past was negative; I still had meaningful moments despite my patterns and mistakes.

Spoiler: University situation

In university, in the situation where I almost didn’t make it into civil engineering, I saw again a pattern I’ve had since I was a child: I can do almost everything right, but a single small detail can ruin or almost ruin the final result, even affecting important outcomes like my admission. It’s something I thought I had already improved, but I hadn’t.

The second situation is private, I can’t talk about it, but it was three situations in total that reminded me of past ones.

Spoiler: GAVA situation and the last one

After that came the GAVA situation, which confirmed I hadn’t changed. Two years passed where I was supposed to improve, but I repeated the same pattern that started all of this, and I realized I pushed everyone away who actually cared about me, like before.

It’s disappointing, but also clarifying. Even if I face this alone again in this last situation, I now understand what I’m dealing with.

I might be relying too much on coping mechanisms; maybe just one is enough to live in a more manageable way. I have a little affection for those who continue reading about my situation. If there are any, of course, haha

Parsival always be posting some long ass bullshit

 

[SinisterTRADition]

DNR fcking faggot why do you talk a lot abt your self

Boi what you say bout Parsival I also dnr though

 

[FoidSlayer]

DNR​

 

[Parsival]

Parsival always be posting some long ass bullshit

I’m just trying to bring something different to the forum. Sorry if my threads are long—I’m currently processing personal things and trying to understand myself better, so I tend to go deeper into them. I might switch to shorter threads later, but for now this is how I’m organizing my thoughts.
And yes, I should change my strategy or the style of my threads because my p/r ratio is going down.

 

[hoodsickle]

This takes like 30 seconds to read how did all of you dnr. Our good friend parsival is journaling and he wants us to read, and you type a disrespectful "dnr"? How rude.
Anyway look at my angry birds tote bag

 

[FoidSlayer]

This takes like 30 seconds to read how did all of you dnr. Our good friend parsival is journaling and he wants us to read, and you type a disrespectful "dnr"? How rude.
Anyway look at my angry birds tote bag

View attachment 45073

Cute bag babe

I can't read very fast, I'm dyslexic

 

[Dragon]

I’m just trying to bring something different to the forum. Sorry if my threads are long—I’m currently processing personal things and trying to understand myself better, so I tend to go deeper into them. I might switch to shorter threads later, but for now this is how I’m organizing my thoughts.

Im just kidding uncle ily

Is this Parsival's kindness arc? Nice kindnessmaxxing

 

[SinisterTRADition]

This takes like 30 seconds to read how did all of you dnr. Our good friend parsival is journaling and he wants us to read, and you type a disrespectful "dnr"? How rude.
Anyway look at my angry birds tote bag

View attachment 45073

It hurts my head because I have 20 iq

 

[FoidSlayer]

Im just kidding uncle ily

Is this Parsival's kindness arc? Nice kindnessmaxxing

No, he literally hates me and won't tell me why

 

[FoidSlayer]

T the wizard get in here you stupid faggot

 

[FoidSlayer]

T the wizard get in here you stupid faggot

 

[the wizard]

T the wizard get in here you stupid faggot

silence greysell, my troocel rage is unprecedented thanks to my ghkcu cycle

 

[FoidSlayer]

silence greysell, my troocel rage is unprecedented thanks to my ghkcu cycle

Haha I'm dying bro!

 

[Parsival]

Im just kidding uncle ily

Is this Parsival's kindness arc? Nice kindnessmaxxing

I'm not hostile. I simply adapt my response to the situation. If something is important or deserves to be taken seriously, like constructive feedback on my threads, I'll respond seriously. Otherwise, I might ignore it or treat it as a joke. For example, I ignore or joke about FoidSlayer's low-IQ garbage threads/replies because someone as stupid, retarded, and ugly as him doesn't deserve my consideration.

 

[the wizard]

Haha I'm dying bro!

sussy foid, ur a hypogamer

 

[FoidSlayer]

FoidSlayer's low-IQ garbage threads/replies because someone as stupid, retarded, and ugly as him doesn't deserve my consideration.

Why do you complain about feeling different and being different but make fun of someone who feels the same way as you?

 

[FoidSlayer]

sussy foid, ur a hypogamer

syna

 

[the wizard]

I'm not hostile. I simply adapt my response to the situation. If something is important or deserves to be taken seriously, like constructive feedback on my threads, I'll respond seriously. Otherwise, I might ignore it or treat it as a joke. For example, I ignore or joke about FoidSlayer's low-IQ garbage threads/replies because someone as stupid, retarded, and ugly as him doesn't deserve my consideration.
View attachment 45075

boi don’t make me use my troocel rage when ur acc is from april 2026 and u use castor oil for bonerr mass

 

[hoodsickle]

I'm not hostile. I simply adapt my response to the situation. If something is important or deserves to be taken seriously, like constructive feedback on my threads, I'll respond seriously. Otherwise, I might ignore it or treat it as a joke. For example, I ignore or joke about FoidSlayer's low-IQ garbage threads/replies because someone as stupid, retarded, and ugly as him doesn't deserve my consideration.
View attachment 45075

H-hey! What did you just say about foidslayer?! I-i wont let you get away with this!!

 

[Parsival]

Why do you complain about feeling different and being different but make fun of someone who feels the same way as you?

I don't make fun of people who feel the same way I do; I only make fun of you because I hate you.

 

[FoidSlayer]

I don't make fun of people who feel the same way I do; I only make fun of you because I hate you.

But you gotta understand the way that makes me feel, I've literally only wanted to be your friend but I see that's not in the cards. Just don't call me ugly please, I'm already struggling with that fact

 

[hoodsickle]

I don't make fun of people who feel the same way I do; I only make fun of you because I hate you.

What happened? Why do you hate him so much

 

[Parsival]

What happened? Why do you hate him so much

He has something I've always wanted.

Yo if yall gona rep me do it with positive emojis i want my 1/2 p/r ratio back

 

[the wizard]

yall are just jew niggers omg just fuck each other already

 

[the wizard]

and let me sit in cuck chair

 

[SinisterTRADition]

yall are just jew niggers omg just fuck each other already

Yet another high iq statement from the wizard

 

[SinisterTRADition]

I was being ironic foid slayer

 

[Dragon]

and let me sit in cuck chair

Remind me who you are again?

 

[FoidSlayer]

He has something I've always wanted.

?

 

[hoodsickle]

He has something I've always wanted.

Yo if yall gona rep me do it with positive emojis i want my 1/2 p/r ratio back

What does he have that you want

 

[Parsival]

What does he have that you want

You don't want to know, oooohhh, the horrors
I want at least two positives reps in this reply niggas

 

[the wizard]

Remind me who you are again?

ahh.. my truecel rage… hypergamer foids will stand no chance against my BAC water cycle rage and my love for cuckolds

 

[FoidSlayer]

You don't want to know, oooohhh, the horrors

Just say it, maybe we can resolve this hatred

 

[SinisterTRADition]

ahh.. my truecel rage… hypergamer foids will stand no chance against my BAC water cycle rage and my love for cuckolds

Please kill yourself faggot

 

[hoodsickle]

Just say it, maybe we can resolve this hatred

I think he wants to jbg with me

 

[the wizard]

Just say it, maybe we can resolve this hatred

holy shit zip it up when ur done bro both of yall are going to town on each other, but no matter, i will resume my cuck duties and sit in the throne

 

[Parsival]

Just say it, maybe we can resolve this hatred

Okay, foidslayer, I'll accept it and confess in front of everyone the reason why I've always hated you, from the day I was born until the day I die, the reason why I thank God every day for not having been born near you, and then curse myself because I have to see your threads afterward. Do you really want to know? Well, now you'll know: what you have and what I've always wanted is your penis.

 

[the wizard]

Please kill yourself faggot

 

[FoidSlayer]

Okay, foidslayer, I'll accept it and confess in front of everyone the reason why I've always hated you, from the day I was born until the day I die, the reason why I thank God every day for not having been born near you, and then curse myself because I have to see your threads afterward. Do you really want to know? Well, now you'll know: what you have and what I've always wanted is your penis.

Like in a jbg way?? Orrrr like you think my dick is bigger?? Orrr

 

[the wizard]

Like in a jbg way?? Orrrr like you think my dick is bigger?? Orrr

okay i’ll stand up for myself here, the drake leak is ai. it was actually my meat but they put drakes face over it

 

[SinisterTRADition]

okay i’ll stand up for myself here, the drake leak is ai. it was actually my meat but they put drakes face over it

Stop typing nigga

 

[FoidSlayer]

okay i’ll stand up for myself here, the drake leak is ai. it was actually my meat but they put drakes face over it

Hood change that reaction to ugh rn

 

[the wizard]

Stop typing nigga

silence jew nigger

 

[hoodsickle]

okay i’ll stand up for myself here, the drake leak is ai. it was actually my meat but they put drakes face over it

Aaaaaaandddddd putting you on ignored

 

[the wizard]

Aaaaaaandddddd putting you on ignored

jealousy

 

[Parsival]

Like in a jbg way?? Orrrr like you think my dick is bigger?? Orrr

Do you really have such a low IQ that you think you have a bigger dick than me?

 

[FoidSlayer]

Aaaaaaandddddd putting you on ignored

Holy I forgot about that, nice save hoodie