On a icy cold afternoon i was watching goatis, it was my birthday in early december and i sat there enjoying my favorite jester right. And BOOM the madman says some crazy deep stuff and it motivated me to try the primal diet.
I started around the 15 december on my primal journey and drank 10 raw eggs and a raw tuna for dinner, it made me gag like crazy but the throat game is crazy so it was light work.
But something weird was happening to me, days and days went by, and it dawned on me. I hadnt shat or farted in literal days, and after the fourth i realized this cant be a good sign. So i ate some chia seeds for fiber and later that day i went to take a shit, and this is the bad part, i swear to god my ass was in so much pain, i wouldnt be surprised if it bled into that toilet bowl. The poop coming out of my ass was like a brick. It was big, thick and hard. Absolute hell on earth. And a few days go by right and the same thing happens again, so, i take some chia seeds fearing for the worst again.
And on christmas eve, it got bad, really bad. I was sitting at the dinner table with my family and my grandpa, and i just couldnt hold it in man. When it came out i immeditaley felt my heart drop. But i'll explain more first. I sat down at the table ready to eat ribs, i could feel it about to crawl out of me. So i tested the waters right, like anyone would do. You know when you edge it a little bit to figure out if its a shit or a fart? thats what i did and oh my lord what a mistake that was.
Immediately it sprinted out of my ass like a cheetah. Prrrrrrrrrrrplapssspffff. It was all the bad things, wet, airy, warm, smelly and worst of all, not a fart.
The whole family turns their heads to look at me, and golly gosh it was running down my leg as they stared at me.
Is it over for me? Did i ruin Christmas?
Tagging people who might find this text arousing
CopingThenRoping
nonexistent.
VelocityAnt¹
6zrir6a
Judenbänker
I started around the 15 december on my primal journey and drank 10 raw eggs and a raw tuna for dinner, it made me gag like crazy but the throat game is crazy so it was light work.
But something weird was happening to me, days and days went by, and it dawned on me. I hadnt shat or farted in literal days, and after the fourth i realized this cant be a good sign. So i ate some chia seeds for fiber and later that day i went to take a shit, and this is the bad part, i swear to god my ass was in so much pain, i wouldnt be surprised if it bled into that toilet bowl. The poop coming out of my ass was like a brick. It was big, thick and hard. Absolute hell on earth. And a few days go by right and the same thing happens again, so, i take some chia seeds fearing for the worst again.
And on christmas eve, it got bad, really bad. I was sitting at the dinner table with my family and my grandpa, and i just couldnt hold it in man. When it came out i immeditaley felt my heart drop. But i'll explain more first. I sat down at the table ready to eat ribs, i could feel it about to crawl out of me. So i tested the waters right, like anyone would do. You know when you edge it a little bit to figure out if its a shit or a fart? thats what i did and oh my lord what a mistake that was.
Immediately it sprinted out of my ass like a cheetah. Prrrrrrrrrrrplapssspffff. It was all the bad things, wet, airy, warm, smelly and worst of all, not a fart.
The whole family turns their heads to look at me, and golly gosh it was running down my leg as they stared at me.
Is it over for me? Did i ruin Christmas?
Tagging people who might find this text arousing
CopingThenRoping
nonexistent.
VelocityAnt¹
6zrir6a
Judenbänker
