For once I’d like to shed a bit of light on a topic that’s a bit less than empirical, looking at something that can only be theorized about or “experienced.” Due to the less-than-objective nature of this concept, I’d like to preface this by saying this is my personal perspective on the world, formed after years of repetitive, intuitive social weaseling. Nothing should be taken as fact. I’d simply like to provide a verbalized medium of a pattern you might recognize if you’re at all socially attuned.
We’ll begin with a simple definition: “halo effect” a cognitive bias in which a person’s exceptional physical attractiveness causes others to assume they possess other positive traits like high intelligence, kindness, success, etc. In this instance we’ll assume that everyone has a halo, the existence of which is founded on aesthetics - what other people perceive visually in those however-many milliseconds. We’re all familiar with this concept, I’d hope. It’s what this forum is based on. However, we as humans experience a countless number of micro-interactions throughout our lifetime. These interactions directly influence the way we perceive our “halo,” even if we’re blind to see it as clearly as a stranger might.
This self-perception of the “halo,” I like to view as the brightness, or intensity, of the halo itself… will people notice? Your brain compiles every single interaction and builds a model of where you stand. It subconsciously checks for micro-expressions and any indicator of “attention” others are giving you. All of this accumulation eventually creates your identity, the person you know, intrinsically, you are. You cannot fool yourself into changing this identity. It’s the core traits that describe you, not positive, not negative, just intrinsic.
Whatever this personal label or “light” may be, it changes your behavior in incremental ways. Composure, inhibition, tolerance, wavers, etc. You may be more willing to maintain eye contact with a woman, or feel less urged to move when crossing paths with another man. Whatever it may be, all of these tiny incremental behaviors contribute to further progressing this “identity” of yours. It compounds.
This is unironically what you’re perceiving when you talk to or are near someone and feel their “aura.” It’s just an unwavering personality that’s been so strongly reinforced and accrued that it’s unfamiliar to you. In this way, their self-esteem or identity is more than just a feeling or a “personality.” It’s, foundationally, a behavioral baseline. Just as someone who has experienced consistent positive reinforcement tends to move through social spaces with less friction, expecting receptivity and space, that expectation eventually becomes self-fulfilled. Someone who has internally accepted that they are of lower valuation will dampen their presence, regularly fence-sitting, leaving an exit ticket in every situation, etc. All of these prophecies fulfill themselves, and it comes down to much more than just the way you look.
In no case are either of these individuals performing. They’re operating off of what they feel is THEM, avoiding bullshit moral dilemmas and things like Imposter Syndrome.
So what do we do? On one end of the spectrum there’s fatalism, what we’re familiar with, the 80/20 shit, blah blah blah. That just ignores compounding behavior. Within most brackets there’s sufficient variance to make significant change over time. You can carry yourself in a way that shifts how your traits are interpreted. But again, on the other end, there’s delusion. “Just be confident bro.” (caged when I typed that, I’m sorry.) The issue with this type of thinking is that it completely collapses when social feedback fails to reinforce the belief that you’re supposed to have things handed to you. The over-inflated self-perception creates tension. No one likes an egotistical bum. You can’t be blindly confident. You have to calibrate yourself.
Your ego is malleable. It’s shaped by feedback, but you have the ability to consciously update it. If you are improving tangible aspects of yourself (riches, status, even appearance) and refuse to update the way you perceive yourself, you will always fall short of your ceiling at any given moment. If you overcompensate in the opposite direction, the world will quickly humble you by calling your bluff. You must align your self-perception slightly above your current position, removing unnecessary hesitation.
Stop self-sabotaging yourself in moments that are meaningless in hindsight. You can’t keep living the same day over and over and expect to wake up a different man.
Identity drives your behavior. Your behavior shapes your responses. Your responses then reinforce your identity.
Your self-esteem isn’t a fixed or fictional trait. It’s an accrued and adaptive meter that you can buff at will.
The higher you genuinely value yourself, within the constraints of reality, the higher you tend to sit within your “tier.” You’re not being rewarded for “just being confident.” You just stop believing that you don’t deserve every tiny chance you get to do better for yourself, and then you do better for yourself.
Just consistently act as if you belong where you feel you deserve being, based upon the way you value yourself.
We’ll begin with a simple definition: “halo effect” a cognitive bias in which a person’s exceptional physical attractiveness causes others to assume they possess other positive traits like high intelligence, kindness, success, etc. In this instance we’ll assume that everyone has a halo, the existence of which is founded on aesthetics - what other people perceive visually in those however-many milliseconds. We’re all familiar with this concept, I’d hope. It’s what this forum is based on. However, we as humans experience a countless number of micro-interactions throughout our lifetime. These interactions directly influence the way we perceive our “halo,” even if we’re blind to see it as clearly as a stranger might.
This self-perception of the “halo,” I like to view as the brightness, or intensity, of the halo itself… will people notice? Your brain compiles every single interaction and builds a model of where you stand. It subconsciously checks for micro-expressions and any indicator of “attention” others are giving you. All of this accumulation eventually creates your identity, the person you know, intrinsically, you are. You cannot fool yourself into changing this identity. It’s the core traits that describe you, not positive, not negative, just intrinsic.
Whatever this personal label or “light” may be, it changes your behavior in incremental ways. Composure, inhibition, tolerance, wavers, etc. You may be more willing to maintain eye contact with a woman, or feel less urged to move when crossing paths with another man. Whatever it may be, all of these tiny incremental behaviors contribute to further progressing this “identity” of yours. It compounds.
This is unironically what you’re perceiving when you talk to or are near someone and feel their “aura.” It’s just an unwavering personality that’s been so strongly reinforced and accrued that it’s unfamiliar to you. In this way, their self-esteem or identity is more than just a feeling or a “personality.” It’s, foundationally, a behavioral baseline. Just as someone who has experienced consistent positive reinforcement tends to move through social spaces with less friction, expecting receptivity and space, that expectation eventually becomes self-fulfilled. Someone who has internally accepted that they are of lower valuation will dampen their presence, regularly fence-sitting, leaving an exit ticket in every situation, etc. All of these prophecies fulfill themselves, and it comes down to much more than just the way you look.
In no case are either of these individuals performing. They’re operating off of what they feel is THEM, avoiding bullshit moral dilemmas and things like Imposter Syndrome.
So what do we do? On one end of the spectrum there’s fatalism, what we’re familiar with, the 80/20 shit, blah blah blah. That just ignores compounding behavior. Within most brackets there’s sufficient variance to make significant change over time. You can carry yourself in a way that shifts how your traits are interpreted. But again, on the other end, there’s delusion. “Just be confident bro.” (caged when I typed that, I’m sorry.) The issue with this type of thinking is that it completely collapses when social feedback fails to reinforce the belief that you’re supposed to have things handed to you. The over-inflated self-perception creates tension. No one likes an egotistical bum. You can’t be blindly confident. You have to calibrate yourself.
Your ego is malleable. It’s shaped by feedback, but you have the ability to consciously update it. If you are improving tangible aspects of yourself (riches, status, even appearance) and refuse to update the way you perceive yourself, you will always fall short of your ceiling at any given moment. If you overcompensate in the opposite direction, the world will quickly humble you by calling your bluff. You must align your self-perception slightly above your current position, removing unnecessary hesitation.
Stop self-sabotaging yourself in moments that are meaningless in hindsight. You can’t keep living the same day over and over and expect to wake up a different man.
Identity drives your behavior. Your behavior shapes your responses. Your responses then reinforce your identity.
Your self-esteem isn’t a fixed or fictional trait. It’s an accrued and adaptive meter that you can buff at will.
The higher you genuinely value yourself, within the constraints of reality, the higher you tend to sit within your “tier.” You’re not being rewarded for “just being confident.” You just stop believing that you don’t deserve every tiny chance you get to do better for yourself, and then you do better for yourself.
Just consistently act as if you belong where you feel you deserve being, based upon the way you value yourself.
