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Obsessing over someone feels like interest, it isn't. It's very different. It not only has you feeling drained but most likely also them.
You start replaying previous conversations, constantly checking messages and adjusting your behavior based on their reactions: your attention narrows and your decisions become reactive.
At that point you've already lost position, as the person whose attention has become more focused will lose control over themselves.
Attraction doesn't come from obsession, it fades from it. When your focus revolves around one person you become predictable, available and easy to read.
With that there's no tension, and without tension interest declines.
The problem isn't liking someone, its centering your mind around them. Your time, your energy, your priorities, those should be anchored down to your own direction and where you're heading.
It's fine if someone enters that structure, but once they become the structure you lose balance. People are drawn to those who are already moving somewhere, not those waiting to be chosen. So don't suppress interest, just don't let it dominate your attention and mind. Because once it does, you stop being worth someone noticing.
Of course there is a different side to this view. It's all different with the right person, you just have to make sure that it's mutual.
Thanks to
Syna,
MedSlayer,
Peace and
determinism for essentially opening my eyes, especially in the last situation. Although you guys all had different views on it, you all helped in one way or an other.
You start replaying previous conversations, constantly checking messages and adjusting your behavior based on their reactions: your attention narrows and your decisions become reactive.
At that point you've already lost position, as the person whose attention has become more focused will lose control over themselves.
Attraction doesn't come from obsession, it fades from it. When your focus revolves around one person you become predictable, available and easy to read.
With that there's no tension, and without tension interest declines.
The problem isn't liking someone, its centering your mind around them. Your time, your energy, your priorities, those should be anchored down to your own direction and where you're heading.
It's fine if someone enters that structure, but once they become the structure you lose balance. People are drawn to those who are already moving somewhere, not those waiting to be chosen. So don't suppress interest, just don't let it dominate your attention and mind. Because once it does, you stop being worth someone noticing.
Of course there is a different side to this view. It's all different with the right person, you just have to make sure that it's mutual.
Thanks to
Syna,
MedSlayer,
Peace and
determinism for essentially opening my eyes, especially in the last situation. Although you guys all had different views on it, you all helped in one way or an other.
)
