I recently turned 17 on October, but I’ve never kissed a girl. Not even held hands romantically. I’m also ethnic, rated hltn. It can be said that I’ve become too nd since I went for four years to my parents homeland, a Muslim country(no, I’m not Muslim). As it’s a Muslim country, woman goes to a different section in school. The thing was that my childhood was also ruined as my preferences were differemt that them. I was treated in class like I was autistic. I hated it. I cried alot too in my bed and suffered. I always thought if I was studying in Spain, I would be better. And ofc it’s true. Later on, last year on 2024 I had some girl interaction in discord with someone. Just a week, but she was the reason that I was very happy, I also learned that love and a gf is not pussy and sex, but the happiness, then when she left me I was very sad, I learned what a break up was. Then in summer 2024 on TikTok it was appearing me romance anime, something that i don’t watch, after many TikTok’s of the same one, I gave a chance, even tho I didn’t really like anime in general, after finishing, it was beautiful, but I realized that ig was beautiful cus I myself wanted that life. I started watching a lot, and more and more depressed became. I’ve had no purpose at that point in my life and even tried to rope. Somedays I felt good and others no. Then I became a Christian, one of the best decisions. Which gave me some hope in life, then in September, one edit of harfmaxxing appeared on my fyp. I thought it was cool and no importance. When I bought another phone in 28 sept, on TikTok some bp and looksmaxxing edits started popping up, I still got the first ones I. My gallery, it was ER and James and zeta. I larped, I didn’t even understand tha much, I also forgot to mention tha I tried a lil to get better with the mewing on 2023. I joined on September a server on discord, to learn, I got rated lltn which I didn’t know, shortly they told me I was 2/10. I was hurted but felt some hope . I remember they telling me to leave this shit
. After TikTok’s and many, I started to comprehend about my life, my first rage was when I saw in my trip to another province, a 6,5 Aryan, I felt rage and was sad, that was when I started getting jealous, but also during these months, my Fuckass had hope of ascension to htn before summer 2025. Then I just wanted to hmtn at the end of the summer. Then when I came to Spain, I was fucked, but after months, I joined a school here. I got “friends”, sometimes I get made fun of by someone as paki, (btw I look Moroccan, they just tell me terrorist as I’m from there but everyone thought I was Moroccan but still) . Now I just want to feel human, I’m planning on surgery when I have the money. In school I don’t really have interactions with girls and when I have, I’m very happy, yes I act nt near them. Tbh atp I just want to feel human. Idk how some people get near me or even accidentally touch me when I’m in the metro, and don’t get disgusted, but ik deeply in they’re minds they are. Life isn’t even worth it atp. The best thing would be to rope, but I’m too scared to do it. I don’t really have hopes on this life most of the time. What should I do?
. After TikTok’s and many, I started to comprehend about my life, my first rage was when I saw in my trip to another province, a 6,5 Aryan, I felt rage and was sad, that was when I started getting jealous, but also during these months, my Fuckass had hope of ascension to htn before summer 2025. Then I just wanted to hmtn at the end of the summer. Then when I came to Spain, I was fucked, but after months, I joined a school here. I got “friends”, sometimes I get made fun of by someone as paki, (btw I look Moroccan, they just tell me terrorist as I’m from there but everyone thought I was Moroccan but still) . Now I just want to feel human, I’m planning on surgery when I have the money. In school I don’t really have interactions with girls and when I have, I’m very happy, yes I act nt near them. Tbh atp I just want to feel human. Idk how some people get near me or even accidentally touch me when I’m in the metro, and don’t get disgusted, but ik deeply in they’re minds they are. Life isn’t even worth it atp. The best thing would be to rope, but I’m too scared to do it. I don’t really have hopes on this life most of the time. What should I do?
