I just don't know what to do anymore. I already tried my best to be me and everyone hated that, I always get threats from people online and out of online and I just don't know what to do at this point. I only tried to be me because I seen people get treated fairly because they were being them. I realized I am a piece of shit just by being me and I put a false image on myself and I still see that little kid that my mom used to care about when I was 4-5 but now she is on drugs and promises me that she's gonna get us back for the millionth time but I know it's not gonna happen. I already tried multiple stuff to better my mentallity and mood but I always go in that stupid loop hole. I hate me in every way possible such as looks, personality, etc. I just want to be treated fairly and I really want a connection with somone that understands me because I feel that same feeling that night when I ran away and almost commited suicide on that small farm with that abanonded house and farm. The only reason I am still alive to this day is because cops went looking for me and found me trying to jump off a farm buliding. I see these memories from when I was a child, the sun beaming in my brown eyes full of dispair and sadness. I looked at every rain drop thinking what they go through because all they do is drop and help the earth grow their roots and grass. I still see that small little boy with two long braids being called a faggot just for my culture. I still see that kid get beat up just because I had big ears. I still see that kid that got sexually abused by those women. I still see that child that got chocked and beat up just for sticking up for myself. And all I can do is just say "damn" because I am lost because I have so many tramatic experiences growing up and I still feel like that child to this day.
