iloveyou
im sniffing roxys im so elegant
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2026
- Posts
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its been more than a year and a half since i started believing in God, but i started believing in him for the stupidest of reasons. I had this dream where this humanoid figure of pure light that i couldnt see correctly nor comprehend came down from the sky and his presence alone made me kneel in the dream and when i wokeup from all that impression i was sensing a force pressing me down.
The thing is that i've always been doubting if he really exists, because i dont feel him like other christians claim to feel his love, i force myself to pray and asking for forgiveness for things i dont really repent from doing. I've done "bad" things, things that are signaled incorrect in the bible and i keep doing them because i genuinely like them, and If i dont repent with my whole heart then my sins cannot be forgiven and that because i dont feel him enough to consider not stopping to sin be a problem. This links at when last year one of the things that kept me from killing myself was God, but not his love or because he gave me the "blessing" of life, but because i was scared that i would go to hell for commiting suicide and that i couldnt redeem myself from my sins.
I too heavily doubt the fact that he exist because of mental illness, i know that illness itself comes down to the Earth because of sin and the fall of the human being, but do i have to pay for the sins of another? i have adhd, anxiety and i think i have autism, and this makes it hard for me to live normally and i dont know why i have to be nd when other people are nt and can live a normal life and have normal relationships with people. This all seems like its staged, that i have to suffer for when the times come go to hell and live normally and peacefully, or it seems like its just the way it is and being good in life its just whats going to determine your whole existence.
thats it i just wanted to vent, sorry if you dont understand pretty much everything or theres a lot of gramatical errors but english isnt a language i speak
The thing is that i've always been doubting if he really exists, because i dont feel him like other christians claim to feel his love, i force myself to pray and asking for forgiveness for things i dont really repent from doing. I've done "bad" things, things that are signaled incorrect in the bible and i keep doing them because i genuinely like them, and If i dont repent with my whole heart then my sins cannot be forgiven and that because i dont feel him enough to consider not stopping to sin be a problem. This links at when last year one of the things that kept me from killing myself was God, but not his love or because he gave me the "blessing" of life, but because i was scared that i would go to hell for commiting suicide and that i couldnt redeem myself from my sins.
I too heavily doubt the fact that he exist because of mental illness, i know that illness itself comes down to the Earth because of sin and the fall of the human being, but do i have to pay for the sins of another? i have adhd, anxiety and i think i have autism, and this makes it hard for me to live normally and i dont know why i have to be nd when other people are nt and can live a normal life and have normal relationships with people. This all seems like its staged, that i have to suffer for when the times come go to hell and live normally and peacefully, or it seems like its just the way it is and being good in life its just whats going to determine your whole existence.
thats it i just wanted to vent, sorry if you dont understand pretty much everything or theres a lot of gramatical errors but english isnt a language i speak
