This isn't humblebragging or attentionwhoring, but just clarification and venting as to how I view myself, and the situations surrounding it. This is all just some boring stuff I put down to get off of my chest.
I can't say whether it's worse than being an inkwell, and it probably isn't, but it really sucks being a mentalcel. I'm autistic, and while I used to get bullied severely over it, after NTmaxing now I don't think people consider me 'autistic,' just a bit dumb. Or maybe they do, I don't fully know to be honest. In new social environments like summer camp this year, people think I'm a good, NT guy, so I know it's just my 'legacy' if so.
I'm not some gigamogger, I'm in the MM-HTN range in my personal opinion. Nonetheless, sometimes I receive complements about my looks both in the real world and online, and I'm in no way implying I'm mad over it. For example, on the football team more than one person asked me why I wasn't going out with someone for homecoming, and said I look good. Even with a condition infamous for not recognizing social cues, I could tell these statements were genuine.
Easier said than done. These same people exploited my awkwardness, there are rumors about me that I won't share, but are simply awful. Yeah, I'll try getting a date for homecoming when on top of these rumors YOU partook in, I'm already an awkward person who's very recently learned how to speak with men correctly, who hasn't had an intimate conversation with a girl in over 2 years. On top of that, women process all of these things much more harshly than men. Total POS.
What's worse, is that my standards are either high or strange; I like alt-girls and it's pared my chances in this Levittown, the only one I've found couldn't work out. Even then, I worry whether my interest in her was fanatical, hopeless romanticism? Is my brain rewired to envision love differently than others? One of the hard parts about ASD is not knowing in what ways I'm neurologically different from other people. Even trying out e-dating hasn't worked out for me recently. Am I simply unable to love?
I'm genuinely just going to try focusing on work and leaving high school behind for a professional education, but this whole thing's been gnawing at me. Questions, comments, and advice are all very much welcome.
I can't say whether it's worse than being an inkwell, and it probably isn't, but it really sucks being a mentalcel. I'm autistic, and while I used to get bullied severely over it, after NTmaxing now I don't think people consider me 'autistic,' just a bit dumb. Or maybe they do, I don't fully know to be honest. In new social environments like summer camp this year, people think I'm a good, NT guy, so I know it's just my 'legacy' if so.
I'm not some gigamogger, I'm in the MM-HTN range in my personal opinion. Nonetheless, sometimes I receive complements about my looks both in the real world and online, and I'm in no way implying I'm mad over it. For example, on the football team more than one person asked me why I wasn't going out with someone for homecoming, and said I look good. Even with a condition infamous for not recognizing social cues, I could tell these statements were genuine.
Easier said than done. These same people exploited my awkwardness, there are rumors about me that I won't share, but are simply awful. Yeah, I'll try getting a date for homecoming when on top of these rumors YOU partook in, I'm already an awkward person who's very recently learned how to speak with men correctly, who hasn't had an intimate conversation with a girl in over 2 years. On top of that, women process all of these things much more harshly than men. Total POS.
What's worse, is that my standards are either high or strange; I like alt-girls and it's pared my chances in this Levittown, the only one I've found couldn't work out. Even then, I worry whether my interest in her was fanatical, hopeless romanticism? Is my brain rewired to envision love differently than others? One of the hard parts about ASD is not knowing in what ways I'm neurologically different from other people. Even trying out e-dating hasn't worked out for me recently. Am I simply unable to love?
I'm genuinely just going to try focusing on work and leaving high school behind for a professional education, but this whole thing's been gnawing at me. Questions, comments, and advice are all very much welcome.
