the thing i want most is to be able to be sensitive around a girl who loves me. not that i have any expereince in relationships with women but im just generally distrusting of everyone because any piece of my authentic self i tell people ab, i worry that they will expose it to the world or that they will use it against me or something like that. when i interact with ppl, its like the cops saying "everything you say can and will be used against you" ive been maladaptive daydreaming and talking to myself for years because i couldnt bring myself to talk about my problems with people. even when i went to a therapist i lied about my actual problems and she knew to

i remember about 2 months into our sessions she told me: "youre not telling me something" and i just denied it. unsurprisingly, therapy didnt solve any of my problems because i worried that she would tell my parents immediately