For quite long time, I've been watching other people's looks, envy them, look at myself, even when I see improvement, I cannot comprehend that it's me, I hate this really, every day, for the past 3 years since I've discovered that facial improvements exist, every day I'd look at myself, look at my bad facial structure, bad goonial angle, recessed infras, flat zygos, overdeveloped browridges, bad mandibles, I'd just be at verge of crying, not only because of how unfair this life is and because of my bad bone structure but because I've had an vision of myself, 6 years ago, in the same mirror, same house, same late hours, visioning the best version of myself, and today for example, I remember that vision, yes I'm fulfilling everything except of eyes, acnes and goonial angle, I, I failed myself. 6 years I've been fighting with acnes, and I'm still at "war", although when I've gotten way more serious for the past year, it's been better, yeah, but scars are still there. The dermatologist didn't want to prescribe accutane but some bullshit cremes, which only worsen my face back then. I've been full filled with rage toward that man. I've always tried to look at bright side, whenever someone asks me about tips I'd always tell him everything I know, learned, researched and experimented on. Whenever someone feels down about their looks online/irl i would always find to show him that it's not over, but I, deep down, I've always rotted. I live in small town, where you need connections for basic job, psychiatrist is in next city, I'm 20 years old, I wear hearing aid, and because of that, I've had to wait for over 1.5 years ever since I've became 18 I was waiting for commission to verify if I'm able to work. I've always thought about going on peptides and once I hang on with job, which I hope I'll find soon enough since I don't know how to do it online nor I have money for courses but I'd always give my all to try my best on online job. Once I've get a hang of with money, I'll finally experiment with peptides and I'm going to go on bimax surgery, hopefully to fix my shit, and afterwards chin implant. Although, I've had 6 gfs, love life is difficult since I've broken up w a girl earlier now last year, with a girl who I loved the most and thought I'll marry one day, now I cannot even look at girl ever the same. I've had porn addiction, but now, I hate that. I hate love, I hate porn, i hate how unfair everything is. It's 6am here, I cannot sleep, overthinking my whole journey, my future, and present, and of course, my past. I wanted to lay-out a bit of my heart here, so someone who's feeling down doesn't feel lonely and like they're only one, if someone wants to give me an advice or tip or critics, I'm all for it, and my ears are all out to hear it.
