Ash2Flame
Former Subhuman
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2025
- Posts
- 256
- Reputation
- 285
Every morning I drink alcohol just to feel kind of okay. After that I do a small trading session, then I go to school, do what I have to do, and talk to a few acquaintances. Later I get high on my cart, do a lot of cardio, and go through my gym session. After that I go to sleep, and that’s basically my entire day.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot and realized that I genuinely don’t have any hobbies or passions. There’s nothing I actually enjoy doing on my own. The only thing I truly like is talking to people. But as soon as I’m alone, I start feeling sad, empty, and lonely.
I think a big part of this started around 2020 when the redpill and hyper-discipline mindset got really popular. I adopted this mentality where everything had to be about discipline and long-term goals. My thinking was basically: don’t go out, that’s for losers; go to the gym; build a business; focus on success. For years I’ve been living like that, always chasing some objective.
The problem is that I don’t actually enjoy most of the things I do. I hate most of my day.
I go to school and study, taking stimulants just to maintain good grades, but I genuinely hate the school lifestyle. I isolate myself almost all the time just to try to get into med school, knowing that if I succeed I’ll probably have to repeat this same type of life for another ten years. The weird part is that I actually love biology, but I hate the structure of school itself.
After that I go to the gym, which I also don’t enjoy. The whole gym culture feels cringe to me, and I honestly hate training, but I force myself to do it because of discipline.
Then I go back home, waste some time, and go to sleep, just to repeat the exact same routine the next day.
On weekends I recently started going out more. Ironically, the only moments where I actually feel like I’m having fun are when I get extremely drunk and end up hooking up with random girls. That’s honestly the only time where I feel some excitement.
I’ve also tried picking up different hobbies recently, but nothing really interests me. Everything just feels numb and boring. Most of the time I’m simply going through the motions of what I’m supposed to do and waiting for the week to pass faster.
At night, I start crying because my life genuinely feels miserable. It feels like I have nothing to look forward to in my day everyday.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot and realized that I genuinely don’t have any hobbies or passions. There’s nothing I actually enjoy doing on my own. The only thing I truly like is talking to people. But as soon as I’m alone, I start feeling sad, empty, and lonely.
I think a big part of this started around 2020 when the redpill and hyper-discipline mindset got really popular. I adopted this mentality where everything had to be about discipline and long-term goals. My thinking was basically: don’t go out, that’s for losers; go to the gym; build a business; focus on success. For years I’ve been living like that, always chasing some objective.
The problem is that I don’t actually enjoy most of the things I do. I hate most of my day.
I go to school and study, taking stimulants just to maintain good grades, but I genuinely hate the school lifestyle. I isolate myself almost all the time just to try to get into med school, knowing that if I succeed I’ll probably have to repeat this same type of life for another ten years. The weird part is that I actually love biology, but I hate the structure of school itself.
After that I go to the gym, which I also don’t enjoy. The whole gym culture feels cringe to me, and I honestly hate training, but I force myself to do it because of discipline.
Then I go back home, waste some time, and go to sleep, just to repeat the exact same routine the next day.
On weekends I recently started going out more. Ironically, the only moments where I actually feel like I’m having fun are when I get extremely drunk and end up hooking up with random girls. That’s honestly the only time where I feel some excitement.
I’ve also tried picking up different hobbies recently, but nothing really interests me. Everything just feels numb and boring. Most of the time I’m simply going through the motions of what I’m supposed to do and waiting for the week to pass faster.
At night, I start crying because my life genuinely feels miserable. It feels like I have nothing to look forward to in my day everyday.
